Surviving Alice Springs: Night Fever

If you're moving to Alice Springs you may be concerned that there is a lack of entertainment options. Of course, the options are a fair bit smaller than your usual major city, but they are there, and they are fun. In the name of science, my husband and I hit Alice Springs at the weekend to see if it was possible to have a great night out in this small town. An empty wallet, tragic photos and raging hangovers the next day suggest that it is in fact possible!

First stop for the night was dinner at Sporties. It sounds like it would be an amazing sports bar, but it's actually a restaurant. Everything was absolutely divine. The people serving us were all lovely, and oh my god the food was incredible!

Yeah, I maybe kinda forgot to take a picture and started eating it.

That there fine specimen was the deliciously named "Beef and Bugs". Scotch Fillet and Moreton Bay Bugs with Rosemary and chilli. At $39.90 it was probably the most expensive meal on the menu, and you know what? Worth every cent. I'm drooling right now when I think about how amazing it tasted. A word of warning though, they under-cook their steaks, so if you're a person who can't stand blood, you may want to order yours very, very well done. My only other gripe? Sporties did not have the AFL on when we got there! It was odd, but soon rectified.

Next on our list was Uncles Tavern. Cheap beer, pool tables and some rocking old school pub music. My inner bogan was pretty happy here! At $11 for a schooner of Carlton Dry and a stubby of Jack Daniels, things could have gotten very messy had we stayed. Sadly, they were only showing the free to air AFL, so I demanded we move on to the next pub in hopes that they would be showing the West Coast vs Hawks game.

Just down the road is the Rock Bar. It's a backpacker haven, with cheap specials, awesome staff and Facebook status updates that always make me wanna hit the pub -- not that it's too hard to get me pumped for booze! However, I'm pretty dirty on this place right now. They were showing the West Coast game! And then, in the ultimate insult, they turned it off in favour of rubgy. Rugby! I was so horrified that we decided it was time to hit up the next establishment on our list.

Of all the things to photograph, why this? 

Oh, Monte's, you are amazing. Lots of seating, both inside and out. Awesome, quirky decorations such as mannequins, unicorns, chandeliers and life sized marching toys. Your staff were awesome and your beers were very hipster. The Leffe Blonde with Captain Morgan shots did a real number on my lovely husband. Needless to say, we were pretty messy by this stage and so this place definitely gets the seal of approval. (Eden, if you're reading this, sorry for thinking you were telling me you were eating and we should look away, when really you were just introducing yourself. I totally understand why you were quick to leave!)

We ended the night at the Casino. I could write an entire post just dedicated to my love of Lasseters. Sports bar, nightclub, awesome outdoor seating, gambling and cheap booze. What's not to love? We even stayed the night there this time around, which was a very wise decision -- mostly because when it came time for bed, we could barely walk, let alone co-ordinate ourselves enough to organise a taxi.

Long story short, we went out in Alice Springs and didn't get stabbed, mugged or murdered. In fact, people pretty much avoided us, probably because my husband was wearing his "Fear Hogger" World of Warcraft T-shirt. We managed to make a few friends for the night, and had we stayed away from the Roulette Wheel, it probably wouldn't have been too rough on the wallet. It was a good night indeed!

Now, let's hope the other photos on my phone never see the light of day EVER...

Knit-picking

Knitting success!

I'm feeling pretty chuffed with myself right now, if not more than a little ginger. My amazing Stitchin' 'n' Bitchin' partner in crime came around last night and managed to do what many internet tutorials could not -- Casadella taught me how to knit! That fine specimen in the image above is the result of our two hour session. I know, nothing incredible, but I am pretty sure my IQ isn't much higher than 90, so I think that's a pretty decent effort.

There's just one problem...

Tuns out knitting needles are actually torture tools. 

I have no doubt that I'm doing it wrong, because dear GOD, those bastards stab the crap out of my fingers! I think I know where J. K. Rowling got the inspiration for Professor Umbridge's idea of Detention. "I will not knit more than two rows at a time. I will not knit more than two rows at a time." 

For my next knitting session, the Stitchin' 'n' Bitching supply list now consists of Jim Beam Cherry, Diet Coke, Teriyaki Noodle Box and band-aids. I think I might find some tacky Harry Potter ones. There's no way I'm letting something as silly as lava fingertips ruin my ambitions of creating clothing abominations!

Surviving Alice Springs - Size, Shopping and Safety

Alice Springs: Not flat like I had imagined.

I've been living here in Alice Springs for just shy of two years, and while I haven't exactly integrated myself into the social scene, I have learned a lot of things that would really have helped me prepare myself when we first arrived.

Alice Springs is Small

The last census had the Alice Springs population at 26,188. The downside is that the census does not include the significant American population that also resides here, thanks to the base. Either way, Alice Springs is still classed as a town and the infrastructure shows that.

• If you've got kids and are hoping to get them into child care, the waiting list is infinitely long. Some places have even closed their waiting lists entirely. It means there's a strong market for home day-care and babysitting, if you're looking for alternative income. 
• There is no private hospital, just the one over-worked public hospital. However, there are quite a few doctor surgeries, and I've never had to deal with long waits to get an appointment.
• The rental market here is fiercely competitive -- and pricey. If you're moving here by choice, many employers offer housing incentives. 
• Petrol is also pricey, and not just because of the sheer distance tankers have to travel to get here. We use special, low aroma petrol to discourage petrol sniffing. 

There are no Mega Malls in Alice Springs


Seeing as there are less than 30,000 people here and we're 1,500km away from the nearest capital city, shopping leaves a lot to be desired. We have the basics such as K-Mart, Target, Harvey Norman, Coles, Woolworths, etc, as well as quite a few smaller franchises, but the layout is terrible and they're scattered all over the CBD. K-mart is open til 9pm weeknights, and Coles and Woolies are open til midnight. Coles also do online ordering and home delivery. Seven day trading does exist, but it seems that only the bigger franchises take advantage of it.

Not illegal, but definitely restricted.

The sale of alcohol is a bit of a grey area, and if you're like me, your Google search confused the hell out of you about what can and can't be done with booze in Alice Springs. Let me bust some myths for you.

• If you're after a goon bag or some fortified wine, you can only buy them between 6pm and 8pm. You're also limited to two per person.
• You have to present your ID no matter what you're buying or how old you look. This gets scanned into a database to make sure you're not bottle-o hopping and getting more than your quota of goon.
• The limits only apply to cask wine and port. Want 10 bottles of vodka and four cartons of VB? Knock yourself out. 
• Besides liquor stores attached to a grocery shop (These are not open on Sundays), most bottle-o's are open 7 days a week. They don't open until 2pm on weekdays and are shut by 9pm.
• If you're planning on a camping adventure, there are a LOT of places around here that fall under the Northern Territory National Emergency Response laws. That means it's all kinds of illegal to take any form of booze or porn into these areas. 

Safety First

There's no point in lying or sugar coating it. Alice Springs has a lot of social issues (Issues that I'm totally not qualified to explain) that make walking around at night a pretty stupid thing to do. The crime rate here is absurd. Racism is rampant on many fronts. Basically, some people here can be real dicks. Remember to lock your doors at night and don't go walking down dark alleys. If you've ever thought of taking up self defence, I highly recommend it. My husband runs IJJF Jui Jitsu classes twice a week, which are great for people who are purely looking to protect themselves and their loved ones, as opposed to just beating the crap out of people in a competition environment.  

It's not all doom and gloom though! My jaw has almost healed up, and to celebrate, my next installment of Surviving Alice Springs will revolve around my favourite spots to eat, drink and be merry at. I like that my blog is giving me an excuse to go out wining and dining!

If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up in the comments, or check me out on Facebook or Twitter. 

Life in a Smoky Haze

Low fire danger, huh? I'd hate to see what it's like around here when it's catastrophic! - image from http://abc.com.au

Whenever spring rolls around, I feel like I come out of some sort of coma. The urge to veg out on the couch and neglect life seems to vanish and I actually want to get up and do things. I had a good stint there where the house was kind of tidy, the washing pile wasn't engulfing one side of the house, and I even created a cute little vege garden -- which is a pretty decent feat when you consider our location. But then, one day, everyone went batshit insane and decided that burning down Alice Springs would be an awesome idea. It's kinda hard to stay motivated when everything is on fire.

We've been plagued by a lingering smoke cloud for over a month now. It actually rained ash yesterday. I kid you not. No-one can even tell the difference between the ash cloud and actual clouds anymore. It's eerie -- the sun is red and the sky is brown. It stinks like smoke. People with breathing difficulties have been advised to stay indoors, and the little critters of Alice Springs are starting drop dead from pneumonia. My eyes sting and I feel like I'm on the cusp of a flu. Except I'm not. Instead, I'm being poisoned by morons who think it's funny to burn down the town. I do not understand what the appeal is!

There have only been two times in my life when I've caused a fire that wasn't in a contained environment. The first one was when I was five. The kid from down the street thought it would be awesome to have a little bonfire of our own. So, he stole his dad's lighter and I gathered up some old newspapers, twigs and some kindling. We bundled it all together in the corner of my parent's backyard and giggled with excitement as we lit the paper. Being five, we didn't think that perhaps the fire would travel fast or that the cyclone ringlock fence wouldn't stop the fire from spreading to our next door neighbours' scrub riddled backyard. We paniced. He ran home, and I went inside as if nothing had happened. Thank goodness my parents noticed the smoke in the meantime. I tried to blame it on my 2 year old brother, like any self respecting five year old does.

The second one was a few months ago. Let's just say that cheap fireworks in the hands of utter novices are a bad idea. If someone offers you a massive pack of "Bumblebee" crackers and your house backs onto scrublands, DON'T USE THEM! I swear I nearly broke my foot throwing myself over the two metre fence with a bucket and a pair of flip flops to try and put out the rapidly growing blaze. I shudder to think what kind of damage we would have caused with the bigger, monster fireworks that we brought out later that night when we'd smashed back a whole lotta booze and had let our inner bogans free:-

Thankfully, we didn't spark any more fire emergencies that night. I thought, if Alice Springs was ever going to burn to the ground, it probably would have been on Territory Day. I was wrong. Apparently the pyromaniacs saved themselves for September. I really cannot understand their motivations. The Alice Springs Fire Brigade are dead-set heroes.

I think I speak for 99% of the population when I say this: STOP BURNING SHIT, YOU IDIOTS!
No love,Neri

Either this will be totally relevant, or totally not. I haven't decided yet.

My little family has been living in Alice Springs for over a year now, and I, being the hermit that I am, have pretty much failed at integrating into the local community. It's okay though! Instead of being socially awkward and making a dick of myself in front of strangers, I just get drunk and play a 7 foot tall shape-shifting cow known as Nerisanda. If the picture above hasn't given it away, I'm talking about my character in World of Warcraft.

The idea that a computer game can be social still hasn't clicked with the average person. I'm here to tell you now that it's not the truth at all. I suppose the angle could be taken that WoW is the reason that I haven't cracked into the happenin' Alice Springs scene, and I guess it has a degree of truth to it. The thing is though, I feel like I don't need to.

My guild, Concur of Blackrock, is full of close real life friends from back in WA. I don't just sit there staring at a screen mindlessly, I am always interacting with people. Real people who I have met in the flesh and know for fact are not basement dwelling virgins. Hell, even my brother played at one stage, as does my sister in law. Warcraft is like an awesome version of MSN Messenger where you work together as a team to achieve a goal while you gossip about who did what on the weekend. I can honestly say that this shitty game has kept me sane when I otherwise probably gone mad with isolation.

Ugh, I really need to stop posting when I've had a few beers. This post wasn't meant to be some kind of lame defence about my raging Warcraft addiction or a shameless plug for my guild, but alas, that's what it has become. In other news, I've changed the site, as you probably noticed. Yay for me. 

I'm going to go now. Have a great Friday night!

Neri Has Halloween Fever

Halloween: A great chance to dress up and get drunk!

Halloween isn't exactly a massive event over here in Australia. Sure, if you're in the right circle someone will no doubt throw a costume party, but in general Halloween is pretty low key over here. Lucky for me, Alice Springs is basically an American town on Australian shores.

Do you know what this means? It means I am now the proud owner of a carving pumpkin! It's sitting in the pantry, warm and safe, and totally oblivious to the fate that awaits it. I feel like a big kid; getting all excited about cutting up a pumpkin. I just want to chop it up now! Usually I'm all giddy with excitement over what costume to wear, but I'm in a new town and have yet to befriend any awesome people that have drunken costume parties, so the Jack-o-Lantern hype will have to suffice.

Anyhow, in the spirit of Halloween, I present to you the recipe for a Mummy Meatloaf. Since I won't have the chance to make it and show it off to party guests, I demand someone else make it! It looks incredible, and fairly easy to make.

Neri approves of Halloween.

Neri's New Hobby

That's right, kids. I have gone and enrolled myself in to Roller Derby and start training this Sunday. There is no doubt in my mind that I am going to be absolutely shocking at it: I haven't skated since I was a teen! However, I used to get fouled quite regularly in Netball for the odd hip and shoulder, so perhaps there is hope for me yet - if I don't stack it and break my leg.




If you happen to live in Alice Springs and want to come and vent some pent up rage, or just come and laugh at this giant klutz wobbling around the track trying not to break her neck, check out the Malice Springs Roller Derby League "Fresh Meat" White Star Training.

Neri approves of pain on wheels, mwhahahaha!

WTF News of the Day

This is a piglet in gumboots. It's very cute. It's also completely unrelated to the following link:

UFO that drove woman off road 'was shaped like a Ford station wagon' 

I'm not particularly sure on why news.com.au feels that this is national news when it happened in 1969. Perhaps they are confused in the aliens choice in cars? Could it be that they cannot fathom why the aliens wouldn't pull into Lassiters Casino for a bit of a flutter on the pokies in an attempt to win the cash to upgrade their wheels? Was Betty perhaps high on LSD when she thought it would be a good idea to cruise around at 4am with her young daughter in the car? I think I smell a mystery!

Oh my god, you guys, Lassiters is just down the road from me! What if they decide to come back? That's just what my Saturday night needs -- some aging hippy aliens to crash their stationwagon into my living room. It's a good thing I have this picture of a piglet in gumboots to protect me.

Neri approves of aliens cruising around Alice Springs in a disco stationwagon.